Well, I’d like to offer a brief description of what I understand “wounded child healing” to be.

[Note: I’m re-publishing this article as it is still relevant till today;-)]

What is Wounded Child Healing

The “wounded child” is an archetype which contains damaged or negative emotional patterns of our youth. It may help to improve your understanding if we can draw reference from the lyrics to the song “Childhood” by Michael Jackson…

Before you judge me, try hard to love me,
Look within your heart then ask,
Have you seen my Childhood?
People say I’m strange that way
‘Cause I love such elementary things,
It’s been my fate to compensate,
For the Childhood I’ve never known…

Loving The Wounded Child

Loving the wounded child is about healing ourselves through acknowledging the trauma and hurt that we suffered when we were young and then freeing ourselves from them. As adults, we unconsciously allowed these memories to dictate how we run our lives. Our coping mechanisms were meant to protect us at one stage but they may no longer serve us.

Here is something for you to think about…

The outer story of your adult life, thus far, reflects the inside story of your wounded child.

We hold dysfunctional self images through the stories of our childhood. How we perceive ourselves is pretty much driven by the childhood programming that we have had. Our childhood programming is largely influenced by our caregivers, who represented the world to us while we were young. We form relationships based on what we learn from our parents. Our parents in turn learn about theirs from their parents. So it is in us that we have layers and layers of beliefs, patterns and behavior passed down from generation to generation.

Yet, as much as not wishing to be like any of our parents, we may find ourselves having adopted the same patterns, behavior and attitudes. It often comes as no surprise to some of us on how we end up in similar patterns. We may not recognize it at first but the patterns are the same recurring themes.

Negative patterns essentially bear the same emotional pain energy even though they may take on different forms. Anorexia, obesity or alcoholism may be traced to negative self images perpetuated by our parents during our younger days. It is possible that our current feelings of rejection originate from childhood.

While there are the rare courageous few who rise above their traumas, the vast majority of us carry the wounds of our childhood around. The same patterns manifest in every aspect of our lives; at home, in the office; in the relationships we have with our spouses, kids, parents or friends; or even physically.

Wounded Child Healing: Releasing the Trauma

Indeed, the wounds of your inner child can create much havoc in the relationships you have with yourself and others. Through healing, you confront the archetypal force within your psyche. With confronting rather than stifling the voice, you release the emotional charge that your wounded child holds on to. You recognize that you have been compelled to grow up too fast.

Carrying the baggage of an openly wounded child keeps you living in the past. You keep alive the story of your past of abandonment, abuse, betrayal, rejection, guilt and shame. Your energy resonates the same vibrational pattern. If you have ever wondered why you attract the same type of experiences, herein lies the reason why.

Your wounded child has no awareness of spiritual lessons. He or she may want to stay hurt, angry and vindictive even. You will need to release the energetic story of your wounded child. As long as you allow your wounded child to be in the driver’s seat, you operate from the same helpless space.

Wounded child healing means caring for yourself so that the things of the past no longer hurt you. You realize your need for healing because you are only hurting yourself most of all, when you carry the baggage around. You do this by acknowledging the wounded child within. You call up the little kid for the unfinished business of loving, nurturing and embracing him or her.

You may initially feel resistant to releasing yourself from the pain of your childhood story. You have identified with it for so long that you suspect you will feel lost without one. After all, you need someone or something to take the blame for your current dysfunctional self or life. You are filled with a sense of righteous anger towards your parents, family or friends for the person you have now become.

Giving up the story is going to put you in great discomfort. Your childhood story is essentially a collection of thoughts of the past. You have to realize that you cannot hope to create an empowering life if you do not first release your attachment to an old script.

Freeing Your Wounded Child

For wounded child healing, you may be invited to explore forgiveness. You work on forgiving yourself by letting your inner child that it is not her fault. Also, you may consider if you are willing to forgive those who could have contributed to the situation that you are now in.

Taking one or two steps back potentially gives you a clearer picture. For instance, it allows you to see whether your parents have also been emotionally hurt as a result of their own childhood experiences. They have unconsciously inflicted on you what they have suffered as children.

It also boils down to choice. Think about it this way. Decide which you would rather have: continued pain or ultimate freedom?

Your Thoughts Please

I wrote this article in a series of thoughts on self discovery. My thoughts were sparked due to my own personal healing experiences. [Update] I now offer private sessions where we work on healing and reparenting the wounded child. To find out more about working together, apply for a discovery call here.

Over to you. Do you carry around with you a wounded child? What does your inner child say? If you have dealt with wounded or inner child issues, do share what has worked for you.

In Loving Kindness,
Evelyn Lim

Why Heal Your Wounded Inner Teenager

1. Repressed Emotions. Through my work with clients, I’ve encountered individuals who grappled with unresolved teenage turmoil. These were times marked by confusion, vulnerability, and often a lack of guidance to navigate the storm of emotions and societal pressures. Consequently, many suppressed their feelings, burying them deep within their subconscious. This repression, coupled with unmet emotional needs, would build over the years into adulthood.
   If you find yourself getting into emotional overwhelm rather quickly and with an inability to cope, ask yourself if they are related to issues that arise from your teenage years, not just when you were pre-teen. 
2. Body Image Issues. Teenagers go through bodily and hormonal changes and can find it hard to handle their physical challenges. Many feel awkward and having to process societal beauty standards. Some hold on to their body image issues and carry them into adulthood; leading to weight problems, eating disorders or a lack in confidence. 
   If you have got body image issues, check if they first stem from your teenage years. 
3. Reduced Ability to Form Intimate and Fulfilling Relationships. Then, there are also some who experience their first heartbreak or sexual encounter, and that’s when their wounds were formed. Feelings of shame would lie buried in the subconscious for years, causing them to build protective walls that act as barriers to cultivating more satisfying and intimate relationships as they grow up. Some would even swear off marriage relationships due to past teenage trauma.
   If you can’t seem to form intimate and fulfilling relationships, ask yourself if this is due to holding on to unresolved pain, hurt or shame from experiences that are physically or sexually-related from your teenage years. 
4. Unclear About Identity and Feeling Lost in Direction. The teenage years correspond to the time when we seek to find own identity. It’s also the time when we are learning to be independent and to make our own decisions. In order to find ourselves, it may mean having to break away from our parents’ beliefs. During this phase, some confused teenagers may become rebellious as they work out the identity that would define them.
   If you are constantly feeling insecure, indecisive and lost, ask yourself it this is related to your teenage years. It could be that your parents made all the decisions for you or that you had simply adopted other people’s beliefs without clearly processing them. 
   

Benefits to Healing Your Inner Teenager 

Well, the good news is that even though the past is long gone, all is not lost. We can work on healing the inner teenager. It’s similar to doing inner child work, except with considerations of what has gone on during the teenage phase. Whatever hurt or suffering you’ve experienced back then is the key to healing that inner teen today.

Benefits to Doing Inner Teen Work:

1. Calm any nervous tension that originates from your teenage years.
2. Resolve any unmet needs of your teenage self with love, acceptance and care. 
3. Heal the wounds that have been affecting your relationships today.
4. Address issues that are about body image and that could be related to eating disorders or lack in confidence.
5. Reparent the troubled or rebellious part of you with setting boundaries and clear directions for a healthier way forward. 
6. Reclaim the vitality and boundless energy of your inner teen that your adult self may have lost.
7. Rekindle the sense of curiosity and desire to venture out from one’s comfort zone. 

The healthy teenager is at the stage of forging their own identity, with innate curiosity and desire to explore their strengths and interests. Healing and reparenting the inner teenager allows you to restore vitality. Your inner teenage self deserves to be loved, accepted and guided. Set yourself free from your troubled past and be ready to take charge of your life from doing inner teen work.

If you’d like to find out more about working together, request for a discovery call here. 

Love and Abundance Always, 
Evelyn Lim
Transformation & Emotional Healing Coach

My new book, Mindset Journal for Women, is finally out on Amazon…yay!! It is a journal workbook with prompts to practice positive thinking, mindfulness and to improve mental health. You can find the listing on Amazon here.

For the vast majority of people, nearly 90% of our self-talk is negative. It is reflective of having a negative or limiting mindset. In order to overcome the habitual pattern of negative thinking, we need to consistently work on building a positive mindset. Also, studies show that more women than men go into depression. It is where the Mindset Journal for Women comes in.

What’s the Juice with Mindset Journal for Women

The journal book uses the metaphor of your mind being a garden and you as the gardener.

The floral theme in the interior pages acts as a nice reminder and inspiration. Imagine each page as a fertile patch of soil, ready for your seeds of inspiration to take root. With its floral theme, every turn invites you to immerse yourself in planting seeds of positivity. 

It’s not just daily pages that I have included. I have also incorporated a mini workbook planner in Section A so that you can be introduced to concepts that would be helpful for building foundation. There are guided prompts designed to spark growth, foster gratitude, and to practice mindfulness. Section B features daily, weekly and monthly journal pages that are helpful for habit tracking, reflection and for reviews.

How my Mindset Journal for Women came about

As someone who has experienced self-doubt, imposter syndrome, deep-rooted beliefs of “not good enough” and depression, I know what it feels like to have a negative mindset. During my early adult years, I would suffer from bad episodes of panic from insomnia and an inability to fall asleep. Later, when I started my business and became a mother, these new stages brought its own set of challenges.

My experiences reinforced the knowing about how important it is to have a strong mindset to weather any feelings of overwhelm and stress. I realised that it would be impossible to be successful without a positive frame of mind. As a result, I sought to actively invest and to work on my mindset from 10 years ago. It’s something that I continue to do so till today.

One day, my love for flowers and plants got me thinking about using the metaphor of gardening for growing a healthier mindset. There’s no better way than to encourage others to do it through journaling. My ideas sparked the design for my Mindset Journal for Women. It took me 6 weeks to go from conceptualision and to submitting it for approval by Amazon. 

While I run a small coaching business, I hold the big dream of changing 1-million lives through my low-cost self-published books. My desire is to channel part of the proceeds for supporting women causes. If you believe that the book will be helpful for women who needs to work on themselves, do support my endeavour with a purchase.

Get the Mindset Journal for Women

May I suggest The Mindset Journal for Women as a trusted companion for your personal growth path.

Have it by your side as you cultivate confidence, reach for your goals and bloom into the radiant woman you were always meant to be.

Tend to the Garden of Your Mind and Transform Your Life! 

It’s available on paperback. Get your pens out and start journaling! Make a purchase of the Mindset Journal for Women on Amazon here! 

Thank you for your support, Evelyn LimTransformation Life Coach

In the past, I would be extremely self-critical.

There are parts of myself that I would notice and that I wouldn’t be happy with. With age, I started to notice the wrinkles, grey hair and skin laxity too. At one stage, my weight kept increasing that showed up in an expanding waistline. Fortunately, I’ve come to understand that self-love starts with self-acceptance.

In a world that constantly bombards us with unrealistic beauty standards, it’s helpful to remember about what it means to accept ourselves despite any physical flaws.

I remind myself that it’s okay to be imperfectly perfect and that true beauty comes from within.

“The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It’s the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows & the beauty of a woman only grows with passing years.” Audrey Hepburn

Today, I’m celebrating myself as I am and I hope you do too.

Once again, if you are body shaming, stop. 

Join me in the journey of self-love, because you deserve to shine just as you are! 

And if you are needing to dive deeper into self-love, get my Self-Love Practice: How to Love, Heal and Reparent Your Inner Child on Amazon today! Alternatively, contact me for a discovery call if you’d like to work on loving and accepting yourself. 

Shine your brilliance always, 
Evelyn Lim

Many of us long to be accepted for who we are. And so, we go about seeking validation and approval from others. However, the crux is that if we cannot accept ourselves, we cannot expect others to accept us too. Without any self-acceptance, we live in constant fear of being rejected.

“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.” – Mark Twain

I find it great to learn from movies too.  One of the movies that I watched with my children was Wreck-it Ralph show. Initially, I had found the plot rather slow moving. And so I was not paying full attention to it. But as the movie wore on, I discovered that there were valuable lessons on self-acceptance.

In the movie, Ralph had massive issues accepting that he needs to play the role of a villain in an arcade game. He wants to be the hero or the Good Guy, instead. His adventure eventually leads him to learn the important lesson that he is actually good enough.

Well, my children enjoyed the movie tremendously. They kept reciting the most quotable quote from the movie….

Wreck-It Ralph: I’m Bad, and that’s Good. I will never be Good and that’s not Bad. There’s no one I’d rather be, than me.

Reasons for Self-Rejection

The opposite of acceptance is rejection. If you do not accept yourself fully, you are implicitly rejecting some part about yourself. Any slight criticism from someone else can send your world crashing. You become very sensitive to what others say or think about you. With low self-acceptance, you are likely to experience massive insecurity, uncertainty and doubt.

Here are some common reasons for self-rejection:

– I am unable to accept my huge nose.
– I hate myself.
– I cannot accept that I have made a mistake.
– I cannot accept who I am.
– I am such a failure.
– I reject my looks.

Excessive self-rejection can contribute to outcomes such as self-mutilation, going for multiple plastic surgeries, bulimia, harboring suicidal thoughts and so on. It is only when you stop rejecting yourself that your ability to accept yourself increases.

From Rejection to Self-Acceptance

Self-acceptance can be a horribly uphill battle when we are bombarded by messages promoting standards that are not easily attainable from where we are. Over time, it is possible to become less sure about ourselves when we repeatedly hear that we need an expensive sports car or that we need a bigger bust line, in order to feel complete. Hence, we cannot discount societal or environmental influences.

Where we do not have enough self-acceptance or self-love, we can possibly believe in these messages. We become more susceptible to the subliminal messages contained in some of the advertisements. Notwithstanding, rather than blame external factors, it is our responsibility not to allow our environment affect us nonetheless.

An innate self-rejection results in the fear of rejection by others. We become inclined to create a self-image that we perceive as agreeable with others. Consequently, we try to do all we can to please others. However, our actions are largely driven by fear. We may appear to be confident on the outside but on the inside, we are really feeling unlovable.

On the contrary, with enough self-acceptance, we are not fretting over something fundamental about ourselves that we would like to change. We already feel complete even though we perceive that we are not perfect. We are willing to embrace ourselves – warts, faults and all. Embracing ourselves and accepting ourselves unconditionally paves the way for greater self-love.

With self-acceptance, we are at peace on the inside.

Learn To Accept Yourself Fully

“The greatest success, is successful self acceptance.”- Ben Sweet

Self-acceptance centers you. It grounds you in the essence of who you really are. With self-acceptance, you build an unshakeable foundation from within.

It is not just through watching a movie. I would like my children to learn about self-acceptance. My wish is for them to know how accepted they are, even though they may not always succeed in their school tests.

In the same manner, we should do the same for ourselves. When we meet with failure or are not as perfect as we would like to be, we start by being willing to accept ourselves. The willingness for self-acceptance opens the door to receiving love from the space of our spiritual heart. Through embracing ourselves lovingly on the inside, we become our own best friend.

Encountering difficulties with accepting yourself wholeheartedly? Work with me towards greater self-acceptance and love. Click over here for more information! 

Love and abundance always,

Evelyn Lim
Life Coach for Women Wellness and Abundance

Please share this post on your favorite social media platforms so that others can learn more about the benefits of self-acceptance. Thank you!

Update
This article has been reposted in June 2023, due to an update on a link. 

Share Your Thoughts Below

Is it easy for you to embrace yourself fully? Share your thoughts about self-acceptance below.

There are altogether 4 main attachment styles: Secure, Anxious-ambivalent, Avoidant and Disorganised. 

Secure Attachment Style

A secure attachment style is created when there has been a warm and loving bond between parent and child. The child (assuming female) is able to perceive that she is cared for. She feels safe to explore, and experiences little or no anxiety separation as she is aware that her parent will still be there for her when she returns. 

A secure child grows to develop social skills. She is happy to give, take, and share, and she shows empathy to others when distressed. Where she is secure, she tends to face no or fewer problems with forming long-term and intimate relationships with others during adulthood. She experiences little fear of abandonment and finds that she is able to trust her partner. 

[My Comments] No reparenting is required as the inner child of a secure adult is likely to be in great psychological health and well-being. 

All the other 3 styles fall under insecure attachments. 

Anxious-Ambivalent Attachment Style

An anxious-ambivalent child tends to feel nervous and are not able to trust others. She has a fear of abandonment. As a result, she is fearful when she explores her surroundings. During the formative period, her caregiver may have acted nurturing and responsive one moment and unavailable or insensitive the next. The caregiver’s actions may not have been intentionally neglectful but the child perceives an inconsistency. As a result, she gains anxiety and tries her best to seek approval. 

Ambivalence refers to having mixed feelings, thus potentially leading to indecisiveness or uncertainty in adulthood. Those with anxious attachment style tend to be clingy and emotionally dependent on others. They often feel unloved by their partners whilst finding it difficult to love themselves. Consequently, they tend to sabotage their relationships.

Avoidant-Dismissive Style

An avoidant child finds it necessary to protect herself by becoming self-reliant. She holds the view that her emotional needs are likely to remain unmet. And so, she needs to behave like a “little adult”. 

Her caregivers may have disregarded her needs by not being responsive and behaving in a manner that appears to be a rejection. For example, she may have been told to “stop crying”, “grow up” or “you’re acting like a baby”. Hence, she has no outlet to express what she feels. As a result, the avoidant child finds it hard to get into close relationships. In adulthood, she avoids intimacy and tend to shut down any form of attachment. During times of crisis, she often find it hard to cope emotionally and have trouble seeking help. 

Disorganised Attachment Style

Disorganised attachment is a combination of avoidant and anxious attachment. A child with disorganised attachment style often demonstrates intense anger and rage. The fearful avoidant attachment style is often seen in children who have gone through deep trauma or abuse.

During the formative period, the caregiver may have behaved chaotically or unpredictably. There is a huge contrast in behaviour, that puts the child in a lot of fear and the child perceiving the caregiver to be “scary”. The caregiver goes from being affectionate to aggressiveness and back again, without any logical explanation. 

Fearful avoidant children with disorganised attachment face the challenge of having to adapt to their caregiver’s behaviour. They end up confused about how they should act. Another reason for fear is going through trauma that involves the attachment figure. For instance, the caregiver abuses the child (verbally, physically, or sexually) or the child witnesses the caregiver abuse someone else. The child is no longer able to trust the caregiver. 

Those with disorganised attachment styles want to love and be loved but at the same time, they are afraid of letting anyone into their heart. They have a strong fear that the people who are closest to them will hurt them. Their fears often become self-fulfilling. As adults, they are afraid of getting into intimate relationships and can have a difficult time controlling their emotions.

Addressing Insecure Attachment Through Reparenting 

Refer to the graphic for a summary on the 4 attachment styles

Fortunately, it is possible to address insecure attachment styles. You may have started out as being insecurely attached when you were young but through reparenting your inner child, it is possible to become a lot more confident, trusting and grounded. Reparenting of the inner child needs to involve alleviating any fears of abandonment, calming heightened anxiety, creating safety and establishing what healthy boundaries look like.  Each unhealthy attachment style can be addressed with appropriate reparenting strategies, for healing and greater well-being. 

In short, the message is…

“Reparent yourself, so that you can transform your insecurely attached inner child to one that feels safe, holds confidence and one that is able to set healthy boundaries.” Evelyn Lim 

This article is an excerpt from my book, Self-Love Practice, that is available on Amazon. 

Check out my starter online course on How to Reparent Yourself and Heal Your Inner Child >> 

Alternatively, apply for a discovery call to find out more about working with me, so that you can turn your insecure attachments to healthy reparenting! 

With love, 
Evelyn Lim
Reparenting Coach

It could be that you’re now realising that part of the challenging issues you have today are related to your childhood. Perhaps you have experienced emotional neglect in the past. You find yourself still longing for love and assurance even today.

This is not to blame any of your parents. After all, they parented you in the only way they knew how. They could have been brought up in the same or similar ways themselves. Yet, what remains is that your younger self or inner child still feels the need to have that love and acceptance. 

Well, it is not too late. You can help yourself by addressing these needs in the now. Addressing unresolved needs helps you to build emotional resilience, strengthen self-confidence and esteem, and to undertake personal responsibility.

With all that you know now, with the higher consciousness that you are, you can offer parenting love, warmth and guidance to your inner child. 

I’d like to share 10 tips on  how you can connect with your inner child as a loving conscious parent. Don’t miss out on any tip as it may just create the positive difference that you need in your life right now! 

10 Tips for Connecting with Your Inner Child as a Conscious Parent 

The 10 tips are as follows…

1 Acknowledge your inner child’s feelings.
2 Attend to your inner child’s needs for safety and assurance. 
3 Guide your inner child in setting healthy boundaries. 
4 Give your inner child the permission to have fun.
5 Let your inner child know that it is okay to be curious and explore. 
6 Celebrate her success, wins, progress and accomplishments. 
7 Embrace your inner child even with her imperfections, mistakes and flaws. 
8 Guide her in developing positive habits. 
9 Give your inner child plenty of encouragement. 
10. Commit to being there for your inner child with presence.

Step into Self-Love and Be the Loving Consciousness that You Are

Just because you connect with your inner child doesn’t mean that you get stuck in the past. I get it…no one likes to be drag up issues from long time ago. You already know that you need to move on. 

However, you are likely to find that by addressing the unresolved needs of your inner child, you are actually practising self-love and increasing your ability to accept, let go and get on with your life. 

As mentioned, conscious reparenting leads you to experiencing greater confidence and the freedom to take charge of your life from now on.

If you would like to learn more, check out my starter course on how to reparent yourself. 

I apply a signature system to help those who are interested in healing their inner child with love and conscious reparenting. If you are needing further assistance and would like to find out about working together, do reach out to me by applying for a discovery call. 

Love and Abundance Always, 
Evelyn Lim
Conscious Reparenting Coach for Women 
Self-Love Healing Therapist 

It can happen in a children’s playground. Or it can happen in adult relationships. These days, emotional bullying can also take place online. 

Emotional bullying brings about negative effects. If it is made repeatedly, the victim’s mental health can decline. Victims end up with depression, anxiety, shame, guilt and fear, and have difficulties showing up fully at work or in their business. Emotional wounds can create leaks in attracting money and abundance too.

Fortunately, it is possible for anyone to work on healing emotional wounds. In some situations, victims are not able to recognise that they have been bullied. Well, it is important for anyone to learn how to identify the signs so that you can tell if there has been bullying. 

10 Signs of Emotional Bullying 

An emotional bully may

1. Name-call, tease or mock you
2. Shame, humiliate or torment you
3. Put-down or belittle your feelings
4. Says things to put you in fear
5. Orders you around like you are subservient 
6. Invades and disrespects your boundary 
7. Ignore or exclude you from a group
8. Dramatises small issues and blames them on you 
9. Gangs up on you 
10. Guilt trips you in a manipulative way.

Such behaviour is prevalent especially in abusive relationships. The emotional bully is sarcastic, manipulative and may even play pranks in order to shame the victim. Unknowingly, the victim may dismiss the behaviour as childish or immature, or make excuses for the bully. The thing is that emotional bullying, whether subtle or not, can create lasting scars. 

Negative Effects of Emotional Bullying 

I’ve seen how the effects of emotional bullying impact my clients in their well-being such as …

• Low self-esteem
• Depression
• Bad academic grades
• Poor job performance
• Isolation
• Physical health challenges.

Standing up to the bully is one thing but if the experiences stem from childhood or if they’ve caused damaging effects, I recommend doing some emotional healing work.

Heal Your Emotional Wounds 

Covering up with a band aid does not solve the problem since there is already “bleeding” beneath the psychological scars. 

It is best is to heal emotionally at root cause for recovery to take place. Hence, we work on releasing any fear or shame at the somatic level, inner child, clearing disruptive patterns, changing your core beliefs, raising self-worthiness and tapping into self-love. 

If you are finding it hard to do these on your own, getting help for emotional healing may just be the most courageous thing that you can do.

I usually draw on a combination of healing modalities to help my clients such as EFT, Matrix Reimprinting, energy healing, inner child psychology, Neuro-linguistic Programming, timeline therapy etc. Apply for a discovery call to find out more about working together here. 

Learn to build resilience, courage and self-love instead! 

To your well-being, 
Evelyn Lim 
Energy Healing Therapist
Accredited EFT Practitioner

Childhood wounds are, after all, invisible to us.

And if we can’t see them through our naked eye, why does it matter whether we are carrying them or not?

Well, it may well explain contributing reasons behind our current day issues like

•  anxiety
• depression
• constant insecurity
• low self-esteem
• inability to find loving relationships
• inability to have better success,
• etc

In other words, just because we can’t visually see our wounds does not mean that they don’t exist.

As I understand, according to Sigmund Freud, they are hidden in the deep recesses of our psyche, buried deep in the unconscious. We repress our pain, hurt and anger in these wounds. Because they are yet to be resolved, they can blindside us. It is why we are often in self-sabotage.

Thus, if we don’t heal our past wounds, they can bleed into everything that we do or encounter today.

“We have to listen to the child we once were, the child who still exists inside us. That child understands magic moments. We can stifle its cries, but we cannot silence its voice.The child we once were is still there.” Paul Coelho

Neglecting Our Childhood Wounds

The wounds that we carry are often related to our childhood.

Anxiety originating from traumatic experiences in our past is hidden from consciousness, and can cause problems during adulthood (in the form of neuroses). Hence, if we are interested to work on addressing anxiety, depression or our problems today at root cause, it is vital that we dig deeper into our unconscious so that we can find our inner child and to resolve her needs.

Most of us would dismiss our negative childhood experiences as anything major since it wasn’t as if we went through anything life-threatening.

Even if there was a traumatic episode, we have been taught not to make things a big deal.

Nor do we want to be accused of dwelling in the past or blame our parents for the lack of a happy childhood.

We have been taught to be strong, positive and optimistic with messages like “don’t cry”, “suck it up” or “don’t be a weakling”.

What we may not realise is that positive psychology can work against us if we keep bypassing our emotions!

Just because we have applied a band-aid so that we appear well on the outside, does not mean that there is no injury on the inside.

It would serve anyone to know that emotional neglect, where no physical abuse is made, can also inflict invisible wounds.

Wounds form because there are unresolved issues that our inner child is holding on to. Hence, if we find ourselves in repeated patterns of self-sabotage or a constant feeling of anxiety, depression or emptiness, we need to dig deeper. We will need to bring the unconscious to the conscious.

3 Steps in Healing Our Invisible Childhood Wounds

Since our inner child lies in the unconscious, we will need to meet her there.

We will need to trace back to the root event or cause to find out where she is hurting or having unresolved needs. 

As I call it, we work on Self-Love Healing in an energetic, integrative and wholistic way.

I’d like to propose that we work on healing in 3 ways…
(1) Emotional. We reconnect with our inner child at the subconscious, apply healing salve to the wounds with Love and help her to release repressed emotions with EFT tapping. 
(2) Mental. We reparent our inner child with positive beliefs, support and guidance. 
(3) Spiritual. We complete the integration by rewriting the entire vibrational story from the inside-out with quantum work in the matrix energy field. 

When we include all 3 steps, we are able to send a positive effect that ripples across all aspects and areas of our life today. By releasing ourselves from the past, we have the freedom to make a different choice in the way forward. Our health, relationships and well-bing improves, consequently. 

“The inner child lives within all of us, it’s the part of us that feels emotions and is playful, intuitive, and creative. Usually hidden under our grown-up persons, the Inner Child holds the key to intimacy in relationships, physical and emotional we-being, recovery from addictions, and the creativity and wisdom of our inner selves.” Lucia Capacchione 

Need more help? Interested to work on Self-Love Inner Child healing? Learn how to reparent yourself in my starter course. Or, apply for a discovery call to find out more about working together in 1:1 personal sessions. 

Love and abundance always, 
Evelyn Lim
Self-Love Healing Therapist 
Accredited EFT & Matrix Reimprinting Practitioner

Enough was enough, you had said. You decided that you were quite done with hiding. And so, even as your heart raced, you proceeded with boldly sharing something vulnerable about yourself. With a trembling voice, you went through your story. You shared it from deep within your heart. 

The moment you let it out, you heaved a sigh of relief. The burden of keeping it all in was lifted. It was also when you gave yourself a pat on the back for your courage and congratulated yourself for being more authentic and daring greatly. 

But wait a minute!!! As the dust settled, you began to compute what you’ve just done. Filled with regret, you started to shame yourself for such a stupid move. Feeling vulnerable about being vulnerable hit you in waves of nausea. You became sick to the stomach over the thought that others might ridicule you or reject you. 

Well, in case you don’t know what had just taken place, there is one apt phrase that describes the phenomena: Vulnerability Hangover. 

I have experienced vulnerability hangover many times. Despite thinking that I would absolutely die from shame with each confession episode, none of the awful scenarios I imagined took place. For instance, no one criticised me for publishing a vulnerable post. The wonderful thing is that I am still alive and I continue to post vulnerable things about myself (such as this article) online.  

Do allow me to share my surviver guide to vulnerability hangover in this post 🙂 

What is a Vulnerability Hangover?

We all know what a hangover is.

It usually arises after excessive alcohol consumption. A hangover refers to a set of adverse symptoms that occur as a consequence of drinking too much. We would find ourselves experiencing fatigue, weakness, thirst, headache, muscle aches, nausea, stomach pain, vertigo, irritability, sweating, and/or increased blood pressure. I can still recall the days when I experience hangovers after a night of partying at the club, as a young adult. 

But what about a Vulnerability Hangover? 

A vulnerability hangover is also about the aftermath. In the case of a vulnerability hangover, it is the aftermath from having exposed something vulnerable about yourself. You experience a set of reactions in consequence that are both psychological and physical. 

For a start, it could be that you’ve experienced something that is shameful or embarrassing in the past. Or it could be some imperfection or secret that you prefer to hide from others. But after some time, you found the courage to finally share it. 

It may be that you not only share it privately but also chose to post about it publicly. However, in a turnaround after publishing your vulnerable story, you wish that you weren’t so hasty. The symptoms you experience may include anxiety, weakness, light-heartedness or dizziness. Shame takes over. 

Dr Brené Brown defines vulnerability hangover as the gut-wrenching feeling of shame and fear that pops right after we undertake an emotional risk. Indeed, it can feel as if our lives are at stake if we are to share something vulnerable about ourselves. No one likes to be perceived as weak, helpless or imperfect. We are afraid that people will reject or ridicule us because of our vulnerability. 

My Experience with Vulnerability Hangovers 

It started with writing articles. I recall the first time after sharing something vulnerable about myself online. For quite some time, I did not dare read what I had posted. My eyes would burn whenever I thought about the post where I had shamelessly shared about my previous dating failures. Fortunately, when I finally plucked the courage to review my post, I found out that it attracted great response. 

Then, I proceeded to publishing videos. I took the step of boldly sharing vulnerable stories when recording them. As the critic of my own videos, I consider some of them rather cringe-worthy. You can find them on my youtube channel, FB page or Instagram LOL! 

Well, I realised that I had two choices with each vulnerability hangover. The first option is to delete the post and pray very hard that no one has seen it. The second option is not to delete the video but to work through shame. I decided to do the latter. 

How to Heal Yourself from a Vulnerability Hangover 

If you are with me, I’d like to share how you can handle shame in 3 ways. They are as follows…

1. Work through letting go of shame and any fear of rejection. You can do this with EFT tapping or any other emotional healing method. This is a great opportunity for you to practice empathy. 
2. Normalise vulnerability hangover. Recognise that vulnerability is not a sign of weakness but an an act of courage and innate strength for having taken a risk. 
3. Align with your goals of wanting to create connection through your vulnerable stories. Remember: the more you put yourself out there, the more you increase your ability to connect with your audience. You are showing up with authentic courage!

I started out by not being able to review all or anything that I’ve posted vulnerably. What I have observed is that as I work through shame, I have increased my ability to go back and read my written posts or to replay some of my old videos – without flinching. I consider this progress! 

Hope this article is of help to you in working through vulnerability hangover. 

Let me know if vulnerability hangover is something you experience in the comments box below 🙂 

Love and abundance always, 
Evelyn Lim 
Emotional Healing Coach
Accredited EFT Practitioner