Well, I’d like to offer a brief description of what I understand “wounded child healing” to be.

[Note: I’m re-publishing this article as it is still relevant till today;-)]

What is Wounded Child Healing

The “wounded child” is an archetype which contains damaged or negative emotional patterns of our youth. It may help to improve your understanding if we can draw reference from the lyrics to the song “Childhood” by Michael Jackson…

Before you judge me, try hard to love me,
Look within your heart then ask,
Have you seen my Childhood?
People say I’m strange that way
‘Cause I love such elementary things,
It’s been my fate to compensate,
For the Childhood I’ve never known…

Loving The Wounded Child

Loving the wounded child is about healing ourselves through acknowledging the trauma and hurt that we suffered when we were young and then freeing ourselves from them. As adults, we unconsciously allowed these memories to dictate how we run our lives. Our coping mechanisms were meant to protect us at one stage but they may no longer serve us.

Here is something for you to think about…

The outer story of your adult life, thus far, reflects the inside story of your wounded child.

We hold dysfunctional self images through the stories of our childhood. How we perceive ourselves is pretty much driven by the childhood programming that we have had. Our childhood programming is largely influenced by our caregivers, who represented the world to us while we were young. We form relationships based on what we learn from our parents. Our parents in turn learn about theirs from their parents. So it is in us that we have layers and layers of beliefs, patterns and behavior passed down from generation to generation.

Yet, as much as not wishing to be like any of our parents, we may find ourselves having adopted the same patterns, behavior and attitudes. It often comes as no surprise to some of us on how we end up in similar patterns. We may not recognize it at first but the patterns are the same recurring themes.

Negative patterns essentially bear the same emotional pain energy even though they may take on different forms. Anorexia, obesity or alcoholism may be traced to negative self images perpetuated by our parents during our younger days. It is possible that our current feelings of rejection originate from childhood.

While there are the rare courageous few who rise above their traumas, the vast majority of us carry the wounds of our childhood around. The same patterns manifest in every aspect of our lives; at home, in the office; in the relationships we have with our spouses, kids, parents or friends; or even physically.

Wounded Child Healing: Releasing the Trauma

Indeed, the wounds of your inner child can create much havoc in the relationships you have with yourself and others. Through healing, you confront the archetypal force within your psyche. With confronting rather than stifling the voice, you release the emotional charge that your wounded child holds on to. You recognize that you have been compelled to grow up too fast.

Carrying the baggage of an openly wounded child keeps you living in the past. You keep alive the story of your past of abandonment, abuse, betrayal, rejection, guilt and shame. Your energy resonates the same vibrational pattern. If you have ever wondered why you attract the same type of experiences, herein lies the reason why.

Your wounded child has no awareness of spiritual lessons. He or she may want to stay hurt, angry and vindictive even. You will need to release the energetic story of your wounded child. As long as you allow your wounded child to be in the driver’s seat, you operate from the same helpless space.

Wounded child healing means caring for yourself so that the things of the past no longer hurt you. You realize your need for healing because you are only hurting yourself most of all, when you carry the baggage around. You do this by acknowledging the wounded child within. You call up the little kid for the unfinished business of loving, nurturing and embracing him or her.

You may initially feel resistant to releasing yourself from the pain of your childhood story. You have identified with it for so long that you suspect you will feel lost without one. After all, you need someone or something to take the blame for your current dysfunctional self or life. You are filled with a sense of righteous anger towards your parents, family or friends for the person you have now become.

Giving up the story is going to put you in great discomfort. Your childhood story is essentially a collection of thoughts of the past. You have to realize that you cannot hope to create an empowering life if you do not first release your attachment to an old script.

Freeing Your Wounded Child

For wounded child healing, you may be invited to explore forgiveness. You work on forgiving yourself by letting your inner child that it is not her fault. Also, you may consider if you are willing to forgive those who could have contributed to the situation that you are now in.

Taking one or two steps back potentially gives you a clearer picture. For instance, it allows you to see whether your parents have also been emotionally hurt as a result of their own childhood experiences. They have unconsciously inflicted on you what they have suffered as children.

It also boils down to choice. Think about it this way. Decide which you would rather have: continued pain or ultimate freedom?

Your Thoughts Please

I wrote this article in a series of thoughts on self discovery. My thoughts were sparked due to my own personal healing experiences. [Update] I now offer private sessions where we work on healing and reparenting the wounded child. To find out more about working together, apply for a discovery call here.

Over to you. Do you carry around with you a wounded child? What does your inner child say? If you have dealt with wounded or inner child issues, do share what has worked for you.

In Loving Kindness,
Evelyn Lim

Your mindset is made up of beliefs. A rich money mindset is made up of positive beliefs that support your ability to attract financial abundance while a poor mindset is made up of limiting beliefs that hold you back. It is likely  that you have some positive beliefs and some that are limiting. An abundance or rich money mindset is when your positive beliefs outweigh your limiting ones. The opposite is true for a poverty or scarcity mindset. 

Take the Money Mindset Quiz

For a start, find out whether your mindset is set to financial abundance via a money mindset quiz.

Taking the money mindset quiz below lets you reflect on specific beliefs one at a time. Through your answers on the belief statements, the quiz computes whether you have more positive beliefs or limiting ones. While the quiz focuses on money, abundance is defined as all-encompassing that is with spiritual and holistic considerations.

From “Money Averse” to a Money Magnet Mindset

Please be aware that the money mindset quiz only takes into account the number of positive versus limiting beliefs.

For ease of understanding to know where you are at, the results will indicate if you are having a money mindset that says “averse”, “worrier/stress”, “winning” or a “money magnet”. As this is a quiz that is based on a quantitive measure, the result is only indicative. Ultimately, it is the intensity of the belief (how strongly you believe in the statement and how emotionally disrupted that you feel) that counts more than a measure using the number of beliefs.

(Update) One respondent wrote to me that he did not quite agree that he has a “winning” money mindset, based on his result. Well, his results just means that he has more positive than limiting ones regarding money. At the same time, he is made aware that he has to work on letting go of those beliefs that are holding him back.

Limiting money beliefs often create negative emotional disruption that obstruct the flow of abundance. They sabotage the best of your intentions, causing you to manifest a financial situation that is less than ideal. The more you believe in a negative thought pattern, the greater your disruption. Hence, it is best to let go of limiting money beliefs.

Conversely, the more you believe in a positive money belief, the greater is your ability to attract and manifest abundance. An overall positive money mindset aligns your energy with an abundance blueprint.

What is Your Result from the Money Mindset Quiz Like?

How did it go with the money mindset quiz? Share your thoughts and answer below.

If you have other questions or need help to work on your deeper issues, please apply for a discovery call here.

Love and abundance always, 
Evelyn Lim 
Transformation Life Coach
P.S. The links in this post have been updated in Aug 2024. 

Why Heal Your Wounded Inner Teenager

1. Repressed Emotions. Through my work with clients, I’ve encountered individuals who grappled with unresolved teenage turmoil. These were times marked by confusion, vulnerability, and often a lack of guidance to navigate the storm of emotions and societal pressures. Consequently, many suppressed their feelings, burying them deep within their subconscious. This repression, coupled with unmet emotional needs, would build over the years into adulthood.
   If you find yourself getting into emotional overwhelm rather quickly and with an inability to cope, ask yourself if they are related to issues that arise from your teenage years, not just when you were pre-teen. 
2. Body Image Issues. Teenagers go through bodily and hormonal changes and can find it hard to handle their physical challenges. Many feel awkward and having to process societal beauty standards. Some hold on to their body image issues and carry them into adulthood; leading to weight problems, eating disorders or a lack in confidence. 
   If you have got body image issues, check if they first stem from your teenage years. 
3. Reduced Ability to Form Intimate and Fulfilling Relationships. Then, there are also some who experience their first heartbreak or sexual encounter, and that’s when their wounds were formed. Feelings of shame would lie buried in the subconscious for years, causing them to build protective walls that act as barriers to cultivating more satisfying and intimate relationships as they grow up. Some would even swear off marriage relationships due to past teenage trauma.
   If you can’t seem to form intimate and fulfilling relationships, ask yourself if this is due to holding on to unresolved pain, hurt or shame from experiences that are physically or sexually-related from your teenage years. 
4. Unclear About Identity and Feeling Lost in Direction. The teenage years correspond to the time when we seek to find own identity. It’s also the time when we are learning to be independent and to make our own decisions. In order to find ourselves, it may mean having to break away from our parents’ beliefs. During this phase, some confused teenagers may become rebellious as they work out the identity that would define them.
   If you are constantly feeling insecure, indecisive and lost, ask yourself it this is related to your teenage years. It could be that your parents made all the decisions for you or that you had simply adopted other people’s beliefs without clearly processing them. 
   

Benefits to Healing Your Inner Teenager 

Well, the good news is that even though the past is long gone, all is not lost. We can work on healing the inner teenager. It’s similar to doing inner child work, except with considerations of what has gone on during the teenage phase. Whatever hurt or suffering you’ve experienced back then is the key to healing that inner teen today.

Benefits to Doing Inner Teen Work:

1. Calm any nervous tension that originates from your teenage years.
2. Resolve any unmet needs of your teenage self with love, acceptance and care. 
3. Heal the wounds that have been affecting your relationships today.
4. Address issues that are about body image and that could be related to eating disorders or lack in confidence.
5. Reparent the troubled or rebellious part of you with setting boundaries and clear directions for a healthier way forward. 
6. Reclaim the vitality and boundless energy of your inner teen that your adult self may have lost.
7. Rekindle the sense of curiosity and desire to venture out from one’s comfort zone. 

The healthy teenager is at the stage of forging their own identity, with innate curiosity and desire to explore their strengths and interests. Healing and reparenting the inner teenager allows you to restore vitality. Your inner teenage self deserves to be loved, accepted and guided. Set yourself free from your troubled past and be ready to take charge of your life from doing inner teen work.

If you’d like to find out more about working together, request for a discovery call here. 

Love and Abundance Always, 
Evelyn Lim
Transformation & Emotional Healing Coach

That was when I discovered about labelling emotions. I also found out hat emotions have meanings and that they convey our deepest needs and desires. Gradually, I learned to sit with my feelings; instead of running away from them. And, I learned about observing them without judgment. As time went on, I was better able to develop greater self-compassion and awareness. My well-being improved, as a result. 

Building Emotional Awareness: Feelings and Their Meanings

My chart offers a guide that could indicate what the various emotions broadly mean. I would ask myself what my unmet need is. By attending to my unmet need, healing becomes a lot more targetted and effective. 

Strive to Build Emotional Awareness

Your emotions provide feedback on how you can realign yourself.

Work on releasing your negative emotions (such as with EFT tapping), so that you can create a positive shift.

Strive for emotional authenticity, honoring the full spectrum of your feelings without judgment or self-censure. Through increased self-understanding, your ability to build empathy and a deeper connection with others increases. By embracing your emotions, you cultivate self-love and acceptance and develop greater resilience in life.

To your well-being
Evelyn Lim
Transformation Life Coach

My new book, Mindset Journal for Women, is finally out on Amazon…yay!! It is a journal workbook with prompts to practice positive thinking, mindfulness and to improve mental health. You can find the listing on Amazon here.

For the vast majority of people, nearly 90% of our self-talk is negative. It is reflective of having a negative or limiting mindset. In order to overcome the habitual pattern of negative thinking, we need to consistently work on building a positive mindset. Also, studies show that more women than men go into depression. It is where the Mindset Journal for Women comes in.

What’s the Juice with Mindset Journal for Women

The journal book uses the metaphor of your mind being a garden and you as the gardener.

The floral theme in the interior pages acts as a nice reminder and inspiration. Imagine each page as a fertile patch of soil, ready for your seeds of inspiration to take root. With its floral theme, every turn invites you to immerse yourself in planting seeds of positivity. 

It’s not just daily pages that I have included. I have also incorporated a mini workbook planner in Section A so that you can be introduced to concepts that would be helpful for building foundation. There are guided prompts designed to spark growth, foster gratitude, and to practice mindfulness. Section B features daily, weekly and monthly journal pages that are helpful for habit tracking, reflection and for reviews.

How my Mindset Journal for Women came about

As someone who has experienced self-doubt, imposter syndrome, deep-rooted beliefs of “not good enough” and depression, I know what it feels like to have a negative mindset. During my early adult years, I would suffer from bad episodes of panic from insomnia and an inability to fall asleep. Later, when I started my business and became a mother, these new stages brought its own set of challenges.

My experiences reinforced the knowing about how important it is to have a strong mindset to weather any feelings of overwhelm and stress. I realised that it would be impossible to be successful without a positive frame of mind. As a result, I sought to actively invest and to work on my mindset from 10 years ago. It’s something that I continue to do so till today.

One day, my love for flowers and plants got me thinking about using the metaphor of gardening for growing a healthier mindset. There’s no better way than to encourage others to do it through journaling. My ideas sparked the design for my Mindset Journal for Women. It took me 6 weeks to go from conceptualision and to submitting it for approval by Amazon. 

While I run a small coaching business, I hold the big dream of changing 1-million lives through my low-cost self-published books. My desire is to channel part of the proceeds for supporting women causes. If you believe that the book will be helpful for women who needs to work on themselves, do support my endeavour with a purchase.

Get the Mindset Journal for Women

May I suggest The Mindset Journal for Women as a trusted companion for your personal growth path.

Have it by your side as you cultivate confidence, reach for your goals and bloom into the radiant woman you were always meant to be.

Tend to the Garden of Your Mind and Transform Your Life! 

It’s available on paperback. Get your pens out and start journaling! Make a purchase of the Mindset Journal for Women on Amazon here! 

Thank you for your support, Evelyn LimTransformation Life Coach

Do you go over “poor me”, “poor me” and “poor me” in your mind?

You could also be repeating the same thing to the people that you meet too.

“Poor me” is akin to having a victim mentality. You are in self-pity. A “poor me” syndrome arises especially when you are constantly pointing blame outwards. It could be the fault of your grandmother, father, the government, the economy and so on. It is always the fault of someone or something else except yours.

[Side-note] This post is updated as the content is still relevant today.

“Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the nonpharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.” John W. Gardner

When you think “poor me”, you find yourself realising situations of poor and poverty at the physical level. Thoughts become things, after all. And you know how it is like when you have a sequence of thoughts that are negative. You start to spiral downwards. Over time, you feel more and more miserable and poor and poorer. Invariably, your situation gets worse and worse.

You may not recognise yourself as having a “poor me” syndrome at first. It could be subtle behind your complaints that “life is hard” or that “life is unfair”. But “poor me” could be the unsaid thought that lies beneath the blame that you feel for the outside world. It happens when you pine for sympathy for your situation.

Playing Out the Poor Me Syndrome – Different Scenarios

Unfortunately, there are many women who fall into the category of “poor me”. They crave for a sense of belonging in sisterhoods. Their idea is to come together to complain and compare who has the worst stories. They are great hosts of pity parties that are long-drawn.

Maybe you are thinking if you whine “poor me”, none of your friends will borrow money from you. You don’t want others to know that you actually have excess money in the bank or that you have just gotten promoted with a nice pay rise. However, holding on to such thoughts is not promoting a sense of growth.

When you blame others, you are saying that you are not responsible. You are not taking charge. In other words, you are giving your power away.

You could be feeling justified anger because it is the government, the tax department or the economy that you are blaming – factors that are outside your control. Then again, should you lay blame on any of these authorities, you are basically allowing an external party or force to determine your happiness or level of wealth. It is still giving power away.

Get Over Your “Poor Me” Mentality

The only “thing” that you can control or change is you and your perspective. You always have a choice in how you intend to view your situation.

Blame obstructs the flow of abundance into your life. It does not serve you in any way. Wallowing in self-pity is not attractive in the least. If you have been around people who are blaming others all the time, you will know how toxic blame can be. You don’t win by playing victim, you win only when you take charge of your power to create and to manifest the life that you want.

Prosperity is a state of mind. Instead of “poor me”, think “rich me”. Focus on the blessings in your life and by virtue of the law of attraction, you will start to draw more blessings into your life.

“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.” Brian Tracy

Love and Abundance Always,
Evelyn Lim
Transformation Life Coach 

Share Your Thoughts

Any comments on the “poor me syndrome”? If so, share below.

Glimmers are moments that act as cues for self-regulation and for soothing our nervous system. They are tiny moments where we feel relaxed, safe, assured and connected. In contrast triggers cause us to feel threatened. When we are triggered badly, our fight-flight-freeze response can get excessively activated and our nervous system becomes deregulated. 

The concept of glimmers first came from Polyvagal theory.  The theory was introduced by Stephen Porges in 1995 where we learn about how our autonomic nervous system is constantly on the lookout for cues to determine if they are dangerous. “Glimmers” is coined by Deb Dana, a licensed clinical social worker who specialises in complex trauma and also the author of The Polyvagal Therory in Therapy, as a way to help us shift out of survival mode. 

In glimmers, we are invited to appreciate the simple pleasures that often go unnoticed in our lives; such as, the gentle breeze or the peace in our surroundings. What’s involved is taking a mindful pause as we tune into the moment of now. Glimmers aren’t necessarily big experiences of joy but subtle tiny moments that help us conjure a sense of calm and serenity. We are able to bask in feelings and sensations that help our nervous system to operate in a state of balance. 

Understanding what glimmers are about is crucial. The idea is to recognise small positive moments repeatedly that eventually shapes our nervous system to safety and connection. Glimmers gently help us to rewire the mind, with the realisation that just as there are traumas, there are also moments of wellness. Because they often go unnoticed, setting an intention to find glimmers can be helpful! 

Examples of Glimmers 

Glimmers can be found in everyday life. Examples of glimmer moments are many. You can find them in

• listening to your favourite music over the radio
• feeling the sand on your feet while taking a walk on the beach
• basking in nature
• playing with your dog
• taking in the aroma of freshly baked bread.  
  

What’s important is tuning in, engaging your senses and embodying the experience – even if it is a tiny moment. 

My Glimmer Moment

Since I found out about what glimmers are, I started to notice them. However, there was one magical moment that stood out for me. It happened when I was in Bali. 

Even though it was a warm day, the lapping of small waves in the pool lent a cooling effect. All was quiet amidst the lush green surroundings. In that moment, stress completely vanished. Instead, I tapped into ease, relaxation and safety, and the sensing that my world is okay.  

I created a short video on what glimmers are. View the video on youtube shorts here! 

Find Your Glimmers

I’d like to invite you to find your glimmers today. What are moments that can help you regulate your nervous system with a sense of calm, safety and connection? 

Love and abundance always,
Evelyn Lim

In the past, I would be extremely self-critical.

There are parts of myself that I would notice and that I wouldn’t be happy with. With age, I started to notice the wrinkles, grey hair and skin laxity too. At one stage, my weight kept increasing that showed up in an expanding waistline. Fortunately, I’ve come to understand that self-love starts with self-acceptance.

In a world that constantly bombards us with unrealistic beauty standards, it’s helpful to remember about what it means to accept ourselves despite any physical flaws.

I remind myself that it’s okay to be imperfectly perfect and that true beauty comes from within.

“The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It’s the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows & the beauty of a woman only grows with passing years.” Audrey Hepburn

Today, I’m celebrating myself as I am and I hope you do too.

Once again, if you are body shaming, stop. 

Join me in the journey of self-love, because you deserve to shine just as you are! 

And if you are needing to dive deeper into self-love, get my Self-Love Practice: How to Love, Heal and Reparent Your Inner Child on Amazon today! Alternatively, contact me for a discovery call if you’d like to work on loving and accepting yourself. 

Shine your brilliance always, 
Evelyn Lim

Many of us long to be accepted for who we are. And so, we go about seeking validation and approval from others. However, the crux is that if we cannot accept ourselves, we cannot expect others to accept us too. Without any self-acceptance, we live in constant fear of being rejected.

“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.” – Mark Twain

I find it great to learn from movies too.  One of the movies that I watched with my children was Wreck-it Ralph show. Initially, I had found the plot rather slow moving. And so I was not paying full attention to it. But as the movie wore on, I discovered that there were valuable lessons on self-acceptance.

In the movie, Ralph had massive issues accepting that he needs to play the role of a villain in an arcade game. He wants to be the hero or the Good Guy, instead. His adventure eventually leads him to learn the important lesson that he is actually good enough.

Well, my children enjoyed the movie tremendously. They kept reciting the most quotable quote from the movie….

Wreck-It Ralph: I’m Bad, and that’s Good. I will never be Good and that’s not Bad. There’s no one I’d rather be, than me.

Reasons for Self-Rejection

The opposite of acceptance is rejection. If you do not accept yourself fully, you are implicitly rejecting some part about yourself. Any slight criticism from someone else can send your world crashing. You become very sensitive to what others say or think about you. With low self-acceptance, you are likely to experience massive insecurity, uncertainty and doubt.

Here are some common reasons for self-rejection:

– I am unable to accept my huge nose.
– I hate myself.
– I cannot accept that I have made a mistake.
– I cannot accept who I am.
– I am such a failure.
– I reject my looks.

Excessive self-rejection can contribute to outcomes such as self-mutilation, going for multiple plastic surgeries, bulimia, harboring suicidal thoughts and so on. It is only when you stop rejecting yourself that your ability to accept yourself increases.

From Rejection to Self-Acceptance

Self-acceptance can be a horribly uphill battle when we are bombarded by messages promoting standards that are not easily attainable from where we are. Over time, it is possible to become less sure about ourselves when we repeatedly hear that we need an expensive sports car or that we need a bigger bust line, in order to feel complete. Hence, we cannot discount societal or environmental influences.

Where we do not have enough self-acceptance or self-love, we can possibly believe in these messages. We become more susceptible to the subliminal messages contained in some of the advertisements. Notwithstanding, rather than blame external factors, it is our responsibility not to allow our environment affect us nonetheless.

An innate self-rejection results in the fear of rejection by others. We become inclined to create a self-image that we perceive as agreeable with others. Consequently, we try to do all we can to please others. However, our actions are largely driven by fear. We may appear to be confident on the outside but on the inside, we are really feeling unlovable.

On the contrary, with enough self-acceptance, we are not fretting over something fundamental about ourselves that we would like to change. We already feel complete even though we perceive that we are not perfect. We are willing to embrace ourselves – warts, faults and all. Embracing ourselves and accepting ourselves unconditionally paves the way for greater self-love.

With self-acceptance, we are at peace on the inside.

Learn To Accept Yourself Fully

“The greatest success, is successful self acceptance.”- Ben Sweet

Self-acceptance centers you. It grounds you in the essence of who you really are. With self-acceptance, you build an unshakeable foundation from within.

It is not just through watching a movie. I would like my children to learn about self-acceptance. My wish is for them to know how accepted they are, even though they may not always succeed in their school tests.

In the same manner, we should do the same for ourselves. When we meet with failure or are not as perfect as we would like to be, we start by being willing to accept ourselves. The willingness for self-acceptance opens the door to receiving love from the space of our spiritual heart. Through embracing ourselves lovingly on the inside, we become our own best friend.

Encountering difficulties with accepting yourself wholeheartedly? Work with me towards greater self-acceptance and love. Click over here for more information! 

Love and abundance always,

Evelyn Lim
Life Coach for Women Wellness and Abundance

Please share this post on your favorite social media platforms so that others can learn more about the benefits of self-acceptance. Thank you!

Update
This article has been reposted in June 2023, due to an update on a link. 

Share Your Thoughts Below

Is it easy for you to embrace yourself fully? Share your thoughts about self-acceptance below.